Otosan

I acknowledge the hallucination and what he is seeing because for him it is real. | Living with Alzheimer's with Marci at marcikobayashi.com

I acknowledge the hallucination and what he is seeing because for him it is real

I could hear a crackling of plastic as my father-in-law approached the table for breakfast on Sunday. He wasn’t holding anything, and I couldn’t figure out what was making the sound. Then I looked down at his feet and stifled a gasp. I wasn’t sure whether I should laugh at his odd choice of footwear or…

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I'm not overreacting? This is real? | Living with Alzheimer's with Marci at marcikobayashi.com

I’m not overreacting? This is real?

Every few days I get to thinking that perhaps I am overreacting. Perhaps my father-in-law’s behavior is not so unusual. Perhaps he really doesn’t have Alzheimer’s. Never mind that he was diagnosed by a doctor after extensive testing. The thing is, most of our exchanges seem normal and I start to doubt myself. And then,…

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This isn't the kind of motherhood I was expecting. He is not growing up. He is growing out of this human expereince and I hold the space. | Living with Alzheimer's with Marci at marcikobayashi.com

This isn’t the kind of motherhood I was expecting

A few months ago a shift occurred in the way I think of my father-in-law. I was ironing a pile of shirts and fretting over everything to do before my trip home when my sister called. I was on edge because I had this project to finish, that email to write, this thing to buy…

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Two ugly feet and a guilty conscience. | Marci's thoughts on living with Alzheimer's at marcikobayashi.com

Two ugly feet and a guilty conscience

I head down the hall towards the kitchen and see two ugly feet. They are my father-in-law’s feet. Because of the layout of the living room and where he lounges on a cushion on the floor, his body is blocked by the counter. All I see are his feet – no body, just feet. I…

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I care about you and you stink. | Living with Alzheimer's with Marci at marcikobayashi.com

I care about you and you stink…

The first time I had to to tell someone they needed a bath, I was mortified. I had to do it again recently and it was much easier. In high school, my mom and I lived in a big, two-story house built in the 1920s. It was huge and there were more rooms than we…

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This need to fix. This need to correct. This need to be right. I can let go of these today. | Marci's musings at marcikobayashi.com

Using elevators – up is the new down

Growing up and living in a rural part of Japan where most buildings are only 2-3 stories, my father-in-law rarely used an elevator. Now he uses one everyday. I should be celebrating… This man whose brain is befuddled with Alzheimer’s is successfully getting where he wants to go. Instead, everything in me wants to correct…

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