I am fortunate to have been born and raised in the U.S., a country where I am free to be me. These days, I call Japan my home. In either country, I can speak and move about freely. I can choose what I believe. I can choose what I do. Of course, I can choose where I live, what I eat, and how I do business, too. I can even choose my friends and marriage partner.
Not everyone agrees with me. Not everyone makes the same choices and it’s OK. I am free to be me, even if others do not agree how I do it!
And yet, time and again, I catch myself holding back. I catch myself conforming. I catch myself hesitating to speak.
A few months ago one of my friends teased me for looking over my shoulder. We were at a popular restaurant enjoying lunch together. I didn’t realize what I was doing. He teased me because every time I started to speak I would first quickly look over both shoulders to make sure no one was listening.
No one was looking at me. No one was paying any attention to me. And if they were, who cares?!
I cared a LOT!
Yep, I was afraid people would think I was “out there” or maybe even a little crazy. We were talking about energy healing, spirit guides, and past lives. Things I have been talking about with friends and family for as long as I can remember. To my knowledge, no one important to me has every shut me down or stopped me from exploring these topics.
I’ve never been threatened or accused or in any danger. In fact, I’ve been supported and guided all along the way by some very “well-connected” beings! Even so, I’ve suppressed and hidden so much of my spirit from public view.
Then, last Spring I got brave and “came out with my woo.” I began sharing intuitive readings and my friends and family have continued to be nothing but supportive. And along the way, I have carried anxiety in the pit of my stomach.
Really? Are we really still stuck on this, Marci? Oh yeah…
Shhh. Don’t tell anyone….
I half convinced myself that perhaps the intuitive readings were not so important. Perhaps this work is not necessary anymore. Perhaps I could let it fade away and focus on “real” work. Ha!
Fortunately, I brought these questions to one of my mentors. We explored whether or not I was suffering from impostor syndrome or if maybe there was something more. We checked in with our guides and up surfaced a past life. A life of quiet waiting. A life in a time when direct knowing was not accepted. A time when my family had to suppress my unusual abilities with drugs. A time when the only way to live safely was to live under a label of insanity.
I know I am not alone. Many of us alive today have had similar past lives. Many have experienced much greater trauma during those lives than the one I recently revisited. And though I hope it is not true, maybe even some people in some parts of the world today are experiencing a similar life.
Today, and everyday going forward, I remind myself I am free. I have the choice to live and speak and be all of me.
So, for the me who waited patiently…I put my hand over my heart and say…We are free now. We are free.