Turn on the lights – helping yourself and serving others

I used to think “helping yourself” meant doing something on your own. Of course, if you’d asked me for a definition, I might’ve told you something different. Inside though, I was interpreting it to mean being self-reliant and self-motivated.

Now think back to the last time you did something out of your comfort zone. Something that challenged you to level up in a way that made you nervous and proud at the same time.

Did you have help? Or did you force yourself to go it alone?

I ask because I recently decided to change my interpretation of “helping yourself” and especially my automatic impulse to go it alone. Maybe you will, too. Let me explain.

The difficult drive

The parking lot was dark, but I could see my way to the little white Japanese Kei truck because the restaurant was still open. Diners came in and out, moving from table to table with their drinks. I could hear their laughter as I walked quickly across the lot. I had slipped away without saying goodbye to any of my friends because I was anxious to move the truck.

Akira had left earlier, so it was up to me. There was no time for him to come back and help me. I needed to drive the truck myself, or I wouldn’t get the truck back in time. Worse, I wouldn’t make it to the next meeting point, and then we’d have to continue on separately. So, I got in, closed the door, and started the engine.

The truck bucked a few times as I got used to working the clutch. I hadn’t been behind the wheel for eight years and had only driven a manual once in a parking lot, never out on the road. Somehow, it made sense this time, and I found the transition from first to second gear not so bad. Even though my hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, my shoulders relaxed a bit. I could do this.

Once I was out on the road, there were too many other cars, and I couldn’t pull over even if I wanted to. So I kept going and got past the major intersections. The road stretched out in front of me, lined densely with trees on either side, mostly cedar. There were no cars in front or behind me. I was going too fast and tried to brake, but the road was going downhill, and the truck kept accelerating.

With every second, it got darker until I couldn’t see the lane anymore. After that, I couldn’t see anything. The truck was still moving, and though I was scared, I kept going without even trying to brake. It was so completely dark. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second and quickly opened them again in hopes that it would help me see better, but it didn’t. And then, I woke up.

Waking up

I knew I was on the sofa even though my eyes were still closed. Pulling out of the dream, I noticed that my heart was not racing as fast as I would have expected. Mostly, I was relieved that I no longer had to keep going down the road in the dark. After a few deep breaths, I sat up and headed for the kitchen to make coffee.

Everyone in my family knows that I can drive if I have to but would rather not. I would find any excuse possible not to drive. I would rather walk, take a train or cancel an outing. Therefore, my dream state decision to drive left me feeling hopeful.

At the beginning of the dream, driving that truck had been satisfying. I felt in sync with the truck and enjoyed shifting the gears. Even after waking up, I felt like I wanted to master driving a manual. I wanted to have my own little white truck. Driving – the big scary action that I always avoided had been fun.

Not in the dark, of course. Why had it been so dark, I wondered? Why weren’t there any streetlights? Why wasn’t the dashboard lit up? Why hadn’t I turned on the lights? The big scary thing that I was pushing myself to do would have been so much easier if I had simply turned on the lights. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

What did it mean?

Lights were available to me with the flip of a switch. So why hadn’t I turned them on? Why hadn’t I even thought about them? Why had I been so resigned to driving too fast down a pitch-black road? Why had I made an already challenging task extra difficult for myself?

As I sipped my coffee, I wondered how often I had done the same thing in my waking life? What big scary actions have I tried to navigate by myself and in the dark? Were other people doing the same? Was my subconscious showing me that I needed to turn on the lights for myself? Or, maybe it was time for me to be the lights for another.

I shared the dream with one of my friends. We discussed the symbolism and possible interpretations. We wondered over the various outcomes if I had continued down the road without waking from the dream. Would I have crashed? Would I have remembered the lights? Would the moon have come out to light the sky? Or, perhaps I had already been driving so long that the sun would soon be up.

We laughed over the irony of my destination and the timing. I couldn’t remember exactly where I was going only that I was on my way to return the truck and meet my husband, Akira. In Japanese, Akira’s name means bright. The Japanese character is a combination of the sun and the moon. Did the fact that I had the dream on the day of the new moon make any part of the dream more significant?

Oh, what a treasure trove of symbolism!

Helping yourself means both asking for help and being aware of when you need it

Though I could read all kinds of meaning into the dream, there were two points that stood out. First, I had not taken advantage of the obvious and available resources in front of me. And second, even though I was managing a challenging task, I didn’t even consider whether it could be easier. I just kept going.

I take 100% responsibility for my lack of awareness in my dream. (Duh, it was my dream, so of course, it was my responsibility!) I mean, even though I was in a hurry to move the truck, I could have given myself a few seconds to consider what I was doing. I could have asked a friend to come with me. Or, when I realized that I couldn’t see, I could have asked myself why? I could have considered whether anything would make it easier or even more enjoyable!

Pushing ourselves to do something challenging is great, but we have to remember that it is ok to ask for help. It’s ok to use available resources to make our lives easier and more enjoyable.

How could this be easier?

How could this be more enjoyable?

What tools do I have that could help?

Do I know anyone that could help?

I probably should have had these questions taped to the dashboard of my truck. If the dream ever resurfaces, I hope I will remember them. In the meantime, I’ve got them taped to my PC.

Serving others means being willing to let people know what you do so that they can find you when they need you

Right after waking up from the dream, I remember wondering if the dream meant it was time for me to be the lights for another. And that’s the question that motivated me to write this post.

You can’t turn on the lights if you don’t know or don’t remember that the lights are there. The same goes with asking for help. You can’t ask someone for help if you don’t know they are there or even how they could help you.

The dream reminded me that as a fellow Earth-bound being, business owner, and service provider, it’s my responsibility to let you know what I do and how I can help. I have to be clearly visible to you and within reach so that when you are ready to turn on the “lights,” you can find me. Here goes!

Helping yourself:

If you’re feeling low on energy, read one of these posts about how I manage and protect my energy.

Are you struggling to care for family, work, animal companions, and maybe even a parent and find yourself with very little left over? Download my free audio, Affirmations for Cultivating Yoyu.

If you shy away from the whole goal-setting process, try using a Celebrating & Intending journal.