Energy leaks and thank yous

During a group call yesterday with fellow web designers, our coach brought up the idea of energy leaks in response to an issue someone was having in her business. It caught me by surprise. Though I am familiar with the term, it hadn’t occurred to me that energy leaks were present for this person. I was impressed and delighted by our coach’s insight.

As I listened to our coach talk about energy leaks, I felt warm and complete because things are on an upswing for me in my business. I’ve have been working on myself daily, especially my mindset, and I have a new confidence and expectancy about my business. For the first time in many years, I am enjoying having a business.

I share this because I am now quite sure the universe intended the comment about energy leaks for me! I get a kick out of this because I wasn’t even supposed to be on the call. I was supposed to be Skyping with someone who had to suddenly reschedule. Lucky me, I thought. With no pressing questions of my own, I figured the universe was calling me in to help hold the space during the call. Ah, how blind we can be sometimes to our own issues!

After the coaching call, I had a productive day and went to bed feeling satisfied. Less than three hours later, I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep because I remembered an email sitting in my drafts folder. It was a reply to an email I received regarding intuitive messages. Then I remembered another email, and another… How had I allowed days, no, weeks to go by without responding?

How had I allowed these emails to pile up? Chewing on this, or any issue, in the middle of the night is not productive. I knew I had to either find a distraction to help me drift back into sleep or get up and deal with this…issue…wait…what? Ahhh, yes! Energy leak!

I could easily see how these emails and other unfinished business have been taking up a part of my consciousness or leaking energy which could be freed up and used in many other ways. Sure, replying to the emails would make me feel a whole lot better. However, simply answering the emails is like putting a bucket under a leaky roof. Why had I hesitated to reply to them in the first place? I needed to dig deeper and figure out what caused the leak.

Here’s what I found. Each of the emails I had not responded to had some element of praise or gratitude and usually a question, too. That’s good email, right? We all love to be recognized and appreciated for our gifts.

As I thought about how I would like to respond to each person, I remembered a scene from childhood. I was probably 7 or 8 years old. My mom and I were at the kitchen table with her box of Current stationery and writing thank you cards for birthday gifts. It should be a good memory. I’ve got a cool mom who made time to teach her daughter how to thank people properly. I mean, she even let me use her good stationery!

If you were to ask my mom though, she might tell you that growing up I was horrible at sending thank yous in a timely manner. I would procrastinate and put it off until it became uncomfortable for everyone. This doesn’t make sense. I wasn’t a lazy kid. I helped around the house, got good grades and had good manners.

So, what’s at the heart of the matter? In my head, the memory of learning how to write thank-yous is a treasure. In my heart…I feel a clenching, squeezing angst. I’m not good enough. My penmanship isn’t good enough. I don’t know what to say. They are going to make fun of me. They’ll laugh at my efforts. My words are not enough. I am not enough. Yep, an overriding feeling of inadequacy.

It might sound like a stretch but I can feel the exact same angst when I think about writing emails, especially in response to people’s praise and gratitude. Fortunately, computers mean I no longer have to worry about penmanship or spelling but I do worry about grammar. I also worry whether or not my answer will convey enough feeling. I worry whether my reply will fully answer their question. Will it be enough. Am I enough?

Yes! This is something I can work with! Today I will use EFT (tapping) and maybe a little Ho’oponopono and let little Marci grow into a new space of being, minus the leaks. I am enough!