Something to nurture and grow

My 87 year old father-in-law, Masamoto, has been living with us for a year now. He was a rice farmer and logger since his early twenties and has lived most of his life far away from any big city. He has not complained since we brought him to Tokyo but I know he has struggled with boredom and loneliness.

Masamoto was used to working his land everyday. He was very sociable and active in the remote farming community. His sudden relocation and as a result, retirement, was unexpected. Helping him discover a variety of ways to get involved and spend his new found free time in an unfamiliar environment has been a challenge. The early stages of Alzheimer’s have added an extra layer of difficulty.

Thanks to our research and his outgoing sunny personality, Masamoto’s schedule is finally filling up with activity. He is an active member of the neighborhood senior club that goes on outings 2-3 times a month. Two volunteer conversation partners visit twice a month. And best of all, he gets to spend Fridays at a senior care facility exercising, playing games and joking with friends. Yep, friends! He now has friends here in Tokyo.

A few weeks ago I noticed some funny noises coming from Masamoto’s room. At first I thought maybe he was chanting the lengthy Hannya Shingyo or Heart Sutra chant practiced in Zen Buddhism. Listening more closely I realized he was humming and singing.

I started paying closer attention. I realized he came home singing Fridays evening after returning from the senior care facility. I asked him about it and he mentioned he wanted to master at least one song so he could go to Karaoke. I was surprised because he has never shown an interest in music. (I take that back. He did sit through every episode of American Idol with me last spring!)

Thanks to the synchronistic universe we live in, one of Masamoto’s conversation partners is also a karaoke coach. He suggested a few songs for Masamoto to practice. Then, for his birthday earlier this month, we got him a CD player and a CD of popular Enka songs.

Boom! Now, instead of spending hours watching TV, Masamoto has been practicing for his big debut. Last week we took him for his first ever Karaoke experience. Yesterday he sang for his friends at the care facility. Apparently it was a success and he says he is now ready to learn a second song!

The fact that he could learn a song and sing for his friends was indeed a success. On a deeper level, I see two other big wins. First, for me personally, it was hugely satisfying to have caught what he was interested in and helped facilitate that into reality. The second was that he had the courage and trust in me to ask for help in making it happen. As a second born son who married into another family he has been used to taking what he has been dealt and making the best of it. It is completely out of character for him to ask for anything.

I can’t say for sure whether Masamoto’s interest in singing will continue or even grow. That’s up to him. It just feels good knowing that after a long year of adjustment behind us, we have this and perhaps many other hopeful seeds to nurture and grow.