Pajamas aren’t acceptable – Finding “Yoyu” [Excerpt 29]

Where are we at in the book?

If you have been following along, you know that the last four excerpts focused on my father-in-law or Otosan as I call him, and helping him get adjusted to daily life in the big city. This new excerpt brings my mother-in-law, Okasan, back into the picture at the point when we are moving her from the hospital into a long-term care facility.

Arriving at the Nursing Home with Okasan

Within a few minutes of arriving at the nursing home, it was clear that we were not prepared. The nurse in charge of Okasan had come down to the lobby soon after we arrived. She was there to take us to Okasan’s new room and to help me get her settled. Our nurse was visibly shocked to see that Okasan had arrived on a gurney.

“We expect Reiko to participate in all the routine activities. She can’t be in bed all day. Why isn’t she in a wheelchair?” The nurse called for a wheelchair and an assistant to help her transfer Okasan from the gurney.

Okasan had spent most of the last 6 months flat out in bed, so I knew it would be a struggle for her to sit up for any length of time, let alone keep her head up. I cringed, watching Okasan slump over and strain to lift her head but trusted that the nurses knew what they were doing.

As we made our way around the circular building and to the elevator, the nurse explained that Okasan needed to get dressed every morning, too. Pajamas were for sleeping at night, and regular clothes were required in the daytime.

I felt foolish and flustered. I hadn’t prepared anything. It hadn’t even occurred to me. I wished Akira was with me. Because Okasan had been bed-ridden, we assumed that the guidelines for what clothes to bring didn’t apply to her.

As we rode the elevator up to the second floor, the nurse insisted that I prepare seven days’ worth of clothes and three sets of pajamas. The elevator door opened to the second floor, and I could see no one else was wearing pajamas.

The nurse suggested I either go home and get something or buy something. Either way, she wanted me to go right away because they would not wheel Okasan around in a hospital gown. The nurse was firm about the pajama rule and promised to resume the orientation as soon as I got back. I made a list and headed out the door...

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About the book, Finding “Yoyu”

A few years ago, we moved my husband’s parents from a rural part of Japan to live with us in Tokyo in our tiny 800 square foot (73 square-meter) condo. My book, Finding “Yoyu,” is about what it took to decide to move them. It’s also about navigating the Japanese health care system and finding an appropriate nursing home for my mother-in-law while helping my father-in-law transition from a lifetime of farming to retirement in the big city. It’s about how we discovered he had Alzheimer’s and my husband had stage 3 colon cancer. It’s about how I managed to support these two men and keep (or find!) my yoyu all while going through a career change.

What is yoyu?

Yoyu is a Japanese word to express whether or not you have enough wherewithal, capacity, or bandwidth. It’s often used in phrases such as “I don’t have enough time.” Or, “I can’t afford that.” You can also use it to express your wherewithal physically, mentally, and emotionally. When you say, “I don’t have yoyu,” in Japanese, everyone infers from context what you mean. Though I am fluent in Japanese, I didn’t really get the full meaning until I met a cashier who didn’t have yoyu.