He forgot my birthday – Finding “Yoyu” [Excerpt 30]

New to the story? Here’s where we’re at in the book:

In the last excerpt, I shared about the day I transferred my mother-in-law, or Okasan as I call her, from a hospital to a nursing home. Within minutes of arriving at the nursing home, I learned that pajamas weren’t acceptable during the day, and I had to run out immediately to find her appropriate clothes.

In today’s excerpt, I share how pleased we were to see Okasan adjusting to her new home. After only a week, we saw evidence that she was in a good place.

However, unlike Okasan, I felt like I was in a dark place. I struggled to find focus in my business. I also struggled to find common ground with my husband.

Then, to top it off, my husband completely forgot my birthday. I knew he was busy and didn’t have the “yoyu,” or wherewithal to think about anyone but himself. I could see that. But, when you spend every day taking care of your in-laws and then your husband forgets your birthday, what do you do?

Listen to the latest excerpt above to hear how I reacted to my husband’s faux pas and how the day turned out.

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And, if you’re new to the story, you can find the playlist here and start listening from Finding “Yoyu” Excerpt #1.

About the book, Finding “Yoyu”

A few years ago, we moved my husband’s parents from a rural part of Japan to live with us in Tokyo in our tiny 800 square foot (73 square-meter) condo. My book, Finding “Yoyu,” is about what it took to decide to move them. It’s also about navigating the Japanese health care system and finding an appropriate nursing home for my mother-in-law while helping my father-in-law transition from a lifetime of farming to retirement in the big city. It’s about how we discovered he had Alzheimer’s, and my husband had stage 3 colon cancer. Finally, it’s about how I managed to support these two men and keep (or find!) my yoyu all while going through a career change.

What is yoyu?

Yoyu is a Japanese word to express whether or not you have enough wherewithal, capacity, or bandwidth. It’s often used in phrases such as “I don’t have enough time.” Or, “I can’t afford that.” You can also use it to express your wherewithal physically, mentally, and emotionally. When you say, “I don’t have yoyu,” in Japanese, everyone infers from context what you mean. Though I am fluent in Japanese, I didn’t really get the full meaning until I met a cashier who didn’t have yoyu.